He holds a firm position. You hold a different one. When Opinion Entrenchment is in play, arguing positions rarely works. He tested his views over decades. The way forward is to find what sits underneath both positions.
Practical Techniques
Find the Shared Value Under the Position
Positions differ. The values behind them can overlap.
Say: “It sounds like we both care about safety here, even if we see different ways to get there.” When he hears his core concern acknowledged, the argument softens.
Move from National to Local
Big political ideas create big distances. Concrete local questions close them.
Ask: “What would you want to change in our neighborhood specifically?” Local problems have specific answers. They pull the conversation out of ideology and into shared reality.
Build from the Point of Agreement
Build from where you agree before adding your view.
Say: “I agree that economic security matters. I also think about it in terms of…” He hears that you share the concern. You build from there.
Why This Works
He is not going to change his position in a conversation. He is showing you the value behind it. When you answer the value, the gap shrinks without anyone backing down.
Some conversations should stop
If the discussion becomes disrespectful, step back. Say: “I want to understand your view. Let’s pick this up when we’re both calmer.” Agreeing to disagree is a real option.