He grew up when roles were clearer, at least on paper. He does not experience his views as outdated. He experiences them as correct. That is the Benevolent Sexism Echo. Direct argument pushes him into defense. These techniques find a different way in.
Practical Techniques
Start with Shared Ground
Find something you both care about and name it first. Say: “We both want the kids in this family to have good options.” Or: “We both care about people pulling their weight. We just see it differently.”
He can hear a different view once he knows you are not attacking everything he stands for.
Use Stories, Not Positions
Abstract arguments go nowhere with him. A real situation does better. Say: “Can I tell you about something that happened at work last month?” Then describe it plainly. He can see the impact when it is concrete. He cannot always accept an abstract principle he has never questioned.
Ask about his past too: “What were the rules about men and women’s work when you started out?” Telling the story out loud sometimes does the work that argument cannot.
Talk About What Happened, Not What It Is Called
Do not open with a label. Open with a fact. Say: “When Jana’s idea was credited to her male colleague, her promotion case got weaker.” A fact is harder to dismiss than a label.
Why This Works
He is protecting his picture of how the world works. When you question the picture directly, he defends it. When you show him one part that does not fit, there is room to move.
You Do Not Have to Win
He has held these views for decades. One talk will not change them. But it can open a door. Respect his right to disagree. Keep your own limits. Both things can be true at once.