He said “let Sarah handle the catering.” Sarah is the VP of Finance. He did not notice the mismatch. This is the Benevolent Sexism Echo pattern. The behavior is real. The intent is not hostile. That gap is where you can work.
Practical Techniques
Name the Moment, Not the Man
A character label shuts the conversation down. A specific moment keeps it open.
Say: “I noticed the technical questions all went to the men in the room, even when Emma had just explained the system.”
He can respond to what you saw. He cannot respond to what you have decided he is.
Use “I Noticed” as Your Opening
Start with your observation. Say what you saw, then say how it landed.
Say: “When Maria made that suggestion, it got passed over. When Paul said the same thing five minutes later, it was praised.”
He gets something concrete. He can confirm, question, or clarify. He cannot deny what you saw without calling you wrong about a fact.
Pick the Right Moment
In public, he defends himself. In private, he can hear you.
Choose a calm moment. Not during the meeting. Not at the dinner table with twelve people. Sit with him alone and start simply: “Can I share something I noticed?”
Why This Works
You give him a behavior he can change. A specific observation creates a door. A verdict about his character creates a wall.
One Conversation at a Time
The goal is one raised moment, not a full accounting. Listing many examples at once turns a conversation into a trial.