You told him about the appointment on Tuesday. You reminded him on Wednesday. On Thursday he asked when the appointment was. The TV was on during all three conversations. This is Selective Hearing. The issue is rarely willful. It is attention and environment. Both are easier to change than the man.
Practical Techniques
Set the Scene Before You Speak
Before the appointment, the budget conversation, or anything with a date attached: turn off the TV, wait for him to look at you, then speak.
Say: “I want to tell you something and I need you to hear it.”
Starting this way signals that what follows is not background noise.
Ask Him to Say It Back
After sharing something important, don’t assume it registered.
Say: “Can you tell me back what we decided?”
This is not a test. It is confirmation. If the information didn’t land, you find out now instead of three days later.
Send It in Writing Too
After the conversation, text or email the key points. Not an essay. Three lines: what, when, what to do.
He has it in his pocket. He can check it. You don’t have to repeat it.
Why This Works
The Selective Hearing pattern filters what registers based on context and competition for attention. Remove the competition first. Then ask for confirmation. Then reinforce in writing. Each step reduces the gap between what you said and what he heard.
When It Goes Beyond Hearing
These techniques work for attention-based filtering. If he dismisses important information consistently and it feels like disrespect, that is a different conversation. Name it directly.
At Work
You give the instruction in the morning. A senior colleague repeats it after lunch. By afternoon, the senior version is what people act on. The filter is about status. It is not about content.
That costs you authority every time it runs.
Say it first, then write it, then attribute it in the room. In the meeting, say: “As I outlined in my email this morning…” That sentence anchors the source.
More for the workplace: Men Over 50 at Work