Creating Comfortable Acknowledgment

When someone consistently deflects recognition or praise (a key characteristic of the Spotlight Avoidance pattern), traditional forms of acknowledgment can create discomfort rather than affirmation. This page offers practical techniques for giving praise to someone uncomfortable with attention in ways they can genuinely receive.

Spotlight Avoidance, Communication, Recognition, Workplace

Practical Techniques

Technique 1: Offer Private Rather Than Public Recognition

Create acknowledgment that avoids the spotlight:

Share appreciation in one-on-one settings instead of group announcements
Send personal notes or emails rather than public declarations
Offer specific praise when only the two of you are present
Check first before highlighting their contributions in meetings

This approach provides genuine acknowledgment without the discomfort of public attention.

Technique 2: Focus on Actions and Impact Rather Than Personal Qualities

Frame recognition around concrete contributions rather than person-centered praise:

“The report you prepared made the client decision much easier” vs. “You’re such an amazing writer”
“Your approach to the project saved us significant time” vs. “You’re so brilliant”
“The way you handled that call really helped the customer feel heard” vs. “You’re a natural people person”

This technique makes praise more factual and therefore harder to deflect or dismiss.

Technique 3: Use Indirect or Collective Recognition Approaches

Find ways to acknowledge contribution without direct spotlight:

Highlight the success of a project they worked on without singling them out
Mention their contribution when speaking to others (with their permission)
Include their work as an example of best practices
Recognize the team while nodding to specific components they handled

These approaches provide recognition while respecting comfort levels with attention.

Why These Approaches Work

These techniques work because they:

Honor the person’s preference for lower visibility
Focus on factual impact rather than subjective evaluation
Provide deserved acknowledgment without triggering discomfort
Build confidence without creating embarrassment

Remember Boundaries

Pay attention to how different forms of recognition are received. If someone gives clear signals that certain types of acknowledgment are uncomfortable, respect those boundaries rather than pushing through with what you think they “should” appreciate.

Additional Considerations

Recognition preferences vary widely—observe what forms of acknowledgment seem most comfortable
For some, recognition of effort is more comfortable than praise for natural abilities
Consider cultural factors that may influence comfort with individual recognition
Quality time or increased responsibility might be more meaningful than verbal praise for some

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