Practical Techniques

Technique 1: Identify Shared Underlying Values

Look beyond positions to foundational concerns:

• “It seems we both care deeply about children’s wellbeing, though we see different paths to protect them.”
• “I notice we both value freedom, though we prioritize different aspects of it.”
• “We share a concern about economic security, even if we disagree on how to achieve it.”
• “We both want a safe community, though we have different views on what creates safety.”

This approach connects at the level of core values rather than policy positions.

Technique 2: Focus on Specific, Local Concerns Rather Than Abstract Issues

Shift from ideological debates to concrete shared interests:

• “How do you think this issue affects our community specifically?”
• “What changes would you like to see in our own neighborhood?”
• “Setting aside national politics, what local issues could we work on together?”
• “Are there community problems we both agree need addressing, regardless of approach?”

This technique grounds discussion in tangible concerns where agreement is more likely.

Technique 3: Practice “Yes, And” Instead of “Yes, But” Communication

Build upon areas of agreement rather than immediately pivoting to differences:

• “I agree that safety is critical, and I also think about it in terms of…”
• “Yes, economic opportunity matters greatly, and I’d add that…”
• “I share your concern about education, and another aspect I consider is…”
• “That’s a legitimate worry, and it connects to my concern about…”

This approach validates the shared point before adding perspective rather than contradicting.

Why These Approaches Work

These techniques work because they:

• Focus on connection rather than conversion
• Acknowledge the legitimate values on multiple sides of issues
• Create space for nuance rather than binary thinking
• Maintain relationship quality despite different viewpoints

Remember Boundaries

While finding common ground is valuable, it’s also important to set boundaries around discussions that become harmful or disrespectful. Sometimes agreeing to focus on non-political connections is the healthiest approach.

Additional Considerations

• Consider timing and setting—some contexts naturally create more tension
• Remember that most people have complex, mixed views rather than purely partisan positions
• Personal stories often create understanding better than abstract arguments
• The goal is maintaining connection despite differences, not eliminating all disagreement

Related Tips & Concepts

See also: Creating Space for Perspective Shifts, Engaging with Entrenched Viewpoints, Understanding Opinion Entrenchment