Present a carefully curated set of 2-3 viable choices rather than open-ended possibilities or excessive alternatives. “Would you prefer the Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning appointment?” feels more manageable than “When would you like to schedule this?” This approach balances autonomy with simplicity.
Establish non-negotiable parameters before introducing choice elements. For example, “We need to stay within this budget and timeline, but within those constraints, you can decide on the design approach.” This clarity about boundaries creates a secure container for decision-making.
Identify particular domains where they can have complete or significant control, especially in areas where they have expertise or strong preferences. “You’ll be in charge of the route planning for our trip” or “I’d like you to take the lead on selecting the contractor” gives meaningful authority within the broader shared responsibility.
These techniques work because they address both the need for structure and the desire for agency. Many people with strong Control Response tendencies feel overwhelmed by too many options or completely open-ended situations, yet still deeply value having meaningful input. By creating thoughtfully structured choice scenarios, you reduce anxiety while preserving a sense of participation and respect.
Remember Boundaries
While structured choices are helpful, they should represent genuine options, not manipulative illusions of choice where the outcome is predetermined. Authenticity remains essential for trust.
See also: Understanding the Drive For: Control Response and Tip: Understanding Control as a Safety Mechanism
