Addressing Unconscious Bias Constructively

When you notice patterns of unconscious bias (a common aspect of the Benevolent Sexism Echo pattern), it can be challenging to address it without creating defensiveness. This page offers practical techniques for how to talk about bias with an older colleague in a way that focuses on observable behavior and maintains relationship quality.

Family Communication, Generational Differences, Bias

Practical Techniques

Technique 1: Focus on Specific Behaviors, Not Character

Instead of labeling someone as “biased” (which feels like a character attack), focus on specific observable behaviors:

“I noticed that in meetings, John tends to be asked about strategy while Susan is asked about team morale.”
“I’ve observed that technical questions are often directed to the men in the room, even when women have the relevant expertise.”

This approach separates the behavior from the person’s identity or intentions.

Technique 2: Use the “I Notice” Framework

Structure your observations using “I” statements that describe impact:

“I notice that when female colleagues make suggestions, they sometimes get overlooked, but when restated by men, they get attention.”
“When you referred to Sarah as ‘the girl from accounting,’ I felt it diminished her professional role.”

This framework reduces defensiveness by owning your perspective rather than making absolute judgments.

Technique 3: Invite Curiosity Rather Than Confrontation

Approach the conversation as a mutual exploration:

“I’m curious about something I’ve noticed in our department. Would you be open to talking about it?”
“I’d love to understand more about your perspective on [topic].”

This creates space for dialogue rather than accusation.

Why These Techniques Work

These approaches work because they:

Preserve dignity for all involved
Focus on observable behaviors that can be changed
Avoid triggering the defensive reactions that come with feeling personally attacked
Create openness rather than resistance

Remember Boundaries

These strategies are about constructive dialogue, not convincing someone they’re wrong. Set realistic expectations and maintain your boundaries. Your goal is increased awareness, not immediate perfect understanding.

Timing Matters

Choose a private moment when you’re both calm and not rushed. Attempting these conversations in public or when emotions are running high drastically reduces effectiveness.

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